never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
