Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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