So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
pray to the hookup gods
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
