Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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