I look better un-naked...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
