i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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