Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
