he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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