I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
