plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
