The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
