Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
