so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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