So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
