i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
