i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
