she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
