He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
