Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
