So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
