Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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