Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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