im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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