do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
