I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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