im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
