if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
