how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
