Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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