I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
now i know why i became what i already was.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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