We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
