beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
