I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
