there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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