you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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