it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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