I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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