ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
