hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
