if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
