I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need a beard to bite.
Pooping to opera.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
