brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
