you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
