Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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