Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
