Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
