Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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