Say something about gay babies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
