I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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