dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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