I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
