On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
