So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
