Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize