i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
