I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
