when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
