yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
