I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
