Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found puke in my bra..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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