i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
