i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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