she woke up with a sticky ear
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
