"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
