Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
