I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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