Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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