Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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