Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
