I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
