im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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