I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
