talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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